Trying (and failing) To Get An Agent

When I first decided that I wanted to be a novelist, finding the time to write was the hardest thing.

Then when I figured that out, getting past the halfway point on a story was the hardest thing.

Then when I made it to the end of my first novel, editing was the hardest thing (it was too hard to take a step back and see my first novel for what it was--a steaming pile of crap).

Then when my manuscript was finally polished, came the hardest thing so far, which still rings true seven years later: 

Querying Agents

I gave it my favorite Jurassic Park .gif and put it in huge, bold letters because it is the scariest, most nerve-wracking thing I have ever done (so far, at least). I have written 12 different versions of the query letter I sent for my first manuscript, and 5 versions for my second manuscript. No particular one seemed to pull in more requests than the other, which made me come to a scary realization: it's all based on the agent's taste. All you can do is extensive research on what each one likes, of course--but what if I waste my ONE shot? Because that's all you get: one shot with each agent, per manuscript.

HOW TERRIFYING IS THAT THOUGHT, WHEN YOU KNOW HOW MANY HUNDREDS OF QUERY LETTERS AGENTS GET PER WEEK? Literary Agents work SO hard to find new clients, while still editing, and submitting, and reading contracts for the clients they already represent. I have so much respect for what they do, don't get me wrong. I'd actually really like to be an agent if my writing dreams don't pan out the way I hope (or maybe even do both!).

But from what I understand, your first sentence has to immediately catch their attention, or you go straight into the "deleted" folder. Some agents like you to dive right into the plot details. Some like you to start with a personalized greeting. Some don't specify anything at all about what they prefer on their website, so you're driven to scouring the web for interviews about what worked for clients of theirs. 

When I read those kinds of posts, I am equally parts jealous and hopeful. 

(Maybe a teensy more jealous than hopeful.)

I wanted to write a post like this before I get an agent, because as a querying writer, reading posts like that makes me drink more wine than I probably should. 

"So you have an agent now, but you received 12 rejections beforehand? And we 'need to just keep trying?' Yeah. I am trying. 

I know it sounds bitter, but those are the thoughts I have every time I read a "I snagged an agent!" post. First off, agents aren't fish for you to snag. They are your hardworking allies in the publishing business. Secondly, it stings to open Twitter every day and see an agent that just rejected you tweet, "I am proud to announce I have a new client! Welcome to my team, *insert writer's twitter handle*!" 

It stings a little bit deeper when that writer is someone you know. You want to be (and ARE) so, so happy for that person, but you can't help but wonder what they have that you don't?

Is it their story hook? Their prose? Their plot twists? Their character's voice? Their query letter?

I try SO hard not to be jealous as my fellow writers get agents and book deals, but some days it's really hard to watch people achieve the dream I want over and over again, while I rack up more rejections. I have sent SO many query letters over the course of seven years, and have gotten nine total requests, with eight rejections (one is still pending, and I'm super excited about it, while trying not to get my hopes up at the same time).

 I know I am not entitled to ANYTHING in the publishing world, and I am grateful to have the friends I have in the business. I love each one, and they are all *amazing* writers who have earned every good opportunity they've gotten. But deep down, under my intense excitement for their successes, it makes each rejection of my own hurt a little bit more. 

But those writers I have befriended on Twitter, and at workshops/college, are my TRUE allies. They will be the ones who are there for me to talk to when I am finally in the business with them, and querying is no longer the hardest thing I am facing. I know publishing is a fickle, sometimes terrible business, but if your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough.

This twisted dream I have of being traditionally published is terrifying to me, but I still want to accomplish it more than anything. I am never giving up! It's just hard to fight through all the "Nopes" and "Not yets" to get to the one "YES THIS IS AMAZING GIVE IT TO ME NOW I WANT TO PAY YOU FOR THIS." I know my rejections mean I'm not quite ready, or that I (hopefully) just haven't yet found the one agent who will love, love, love it. 

I just needed to write a post that I can someday look back on, and realize that all the Agented Writer posts about how you just have to keep writing and keep trying were all REALLY SPOT ON. Also, I am NOT complaining about not being agented, because again, I know I am not entitled to one. I just needed to voice my inner struggles because I know there are people out there who feel the same way and are experiencing the same things, and hopefully we can band together while we work for what we want!

So here's to all my writer friends that are facing YOUR current "hardest thing"--whether it's finishing a draft, editing, writing a query letter, searching for an agent, waiting while your agent submits it to publishers, or any other tough things that are keeping you from your dreams! Don't get discouraged. It may not seem like it, but there are people going through the same things you are. 

We just have to stick together (and keep drinking wine)! 

**Also, for querying writers: If you haven't tried QueryTracker.com, PLEASE do so! It will make your life so much easier, and the basic features are free! I made an excel spreadsheet with my first MS, and it was more tiring than querying itself. This website has been a lifesaver for me this go-round.

And just FYI, because I love reading things like this on other writer's blogs:

WICKED ILLUSIONS, my 1st manuscript:

• Queries sent               = 94 
• Full/partial requests   =  7 (all ended in rejection)

*this manuscript was shelved for four years, but I am rewriting it now.

I am currently querying a different manuscript, SOUL RAIDERS, (which sparked the angst to write this post):

• Queries sent (so far)                = 37 
• Full/partial requests                 = 2 (one rejection, one still out with agent)
• Query rejections/no response  = 26

Rejection + Query Help!!!

Since I've only gotten answers from half of the agents I've queried, I feel like I may be writing this post prematurely. But I am a sensitive soul. When I love something, I LOOOVVVVE IT. When something makes me sad, I cry over things like toilet paper commercials for days. ("The baby bear has pieces of toilet paper stuck to his butt? POOR BABY BEAR HOW SAD!!!!" *wail*) When something makes me mad, I'm all, *STEFANIE SMASH ALL THE THINGS!!!*.

So after getting 10+ rejection letters from agents, I was surprised to find a brand new emotion that I'd never experienced before: crazy-pants-off-the-rocker-self-- instead of just my normal, sad-burrowing into-my-blankets-and-crying-over-toilet-paper-commercials-self.



You know how you always laugh at the crazy people on American Idol who can't carry a tune in a bucket, and then go all "Y'all gon' be sorry! YOU'LL SEE!" on the judges? Well laugh now, BUT I KNOW HOW THEY FEEL. After re-reading WICKED ILLUSIONS last night, I fell in love all over again with my two main characters. I LOVE THESE FICTIONAL PEOPLE, Y'ALL. I love the story, I love the setting, I love the plot-- I want to tape it to my chest and hug it forever. (Okay, maybe that's a little extreme, but ya know, this thing is my BABY). So when I received another rejection letter this morning, I went full blown American Idol crazy on my iPhone.

"You just don't know what you're missing, agent! You will be sorry that you didn't want to read this manuscript, agent! You just lost out on LOVE, agent! YOU'LL SEE! I'LL BE GREAT!"

(And no I didn't tell said agent these things, because I'm not actually insane. Well, I don't know, maybe yelling at my iPhone makes me a little insane).

After realizing how loopy I sounded, I took a step back and gently laid my iPhone down, apologized to it, then went and made blueberry muffins to make me feel better. This whole querying thing has made lose my ability to see the bigger picture. I want the world to love Lilly and Noah so badly that I am forgetting that they don't know them like I do. It's obvious that my query letter is not working the magic it should, since I've only gotten 1 request (that I'm still waiting for a response from).

So. Ahem. I have gathered the courage to ask a favor from you.

*gives you virtual blueberry muffins*. Will you read my query letter and tell me how it could be better?

I've had several people look over it already, but I figure that if you are reading this, you are most likely a writer/aspiring author like myself, and could give me fresh perspective. The other day, I entered a query contest with agent Suzie Townsend, where she is going to respond to each of them personally, telling the writer why she didn't want to request more material (unless, of course, she DOES request more material). I haven't heard back from her yet, seeing as how she received over 600 entries (O_O), but I would love to get as much feedback as I can.

(And yes, I've moved onto writing a new manuscript in case this one doesn't work out. That's what everyone always suggests for taking my mind off querying)

 So anyway. Here is my query. Tear it apart! Be ruthless! (I have my blueberry muffins, so The Sanity is in tact. I promise I won't go American Idol crazy-pants on you. Hee hee)

Dear (Insert Agent):

Death is a run of the mill thing for sixteen-year-old Lilly Elliott. The town that she grew up in is more than just a little strange: its residents are trapped there. No one is allowed to move away from Ironbrook, Tennessee without the consequence of death. But that’s not all— milk spoils before its expiration date and plants wither for no reason. And most unexplained, at least one person dies every month at the hands of the suffocating black fog that no one can stop.

Lilly is accustomed to the weird things that happen in Ironbrook, though she longs to live somewhere normal. But when she accidentally brings a dead animal back to life, Things. Just. Get. Weirder. When a classmate reveals the truth to Lilly about who she is and what they both can do, Lilly is sucked into the world that goes on behind closed doors in Ironbrook— and things are never safe there. Lilly discovers that she has an ability that has been long buried deep inside of her— she can drain the life out of humans and keep it for herself, giving her the ability to live forever. But her loved ones—including the mysterious boy that keeps popping up in her dreams—are in danger. Will she be able to save them before their lives are stolen? And most importantly, will she be able to save herself… from herself?

WICKED ILLUSIONS is a story that explores the themes of family allegiance and the power of choice with splashes of magical realism, aimed towards a young adult audience. I think that WICKED ILLUSIONS is specifically different from most YA novels today because it touches upon the addiction of knowing that you are doing something wrong, but not knowing how to stop— which is something many teens face on a daily basis. WICKED ILLUSIONS will appeal to readers who've enjoyed BEAUTIFUL CREATURES and IMAGINARY GIRLS, and it is complete at 65,000 words.

I am currently working to obtain my bachelor’s degree in English with a concentration in Creative Writing from the (insert my university here. No offense, but the internet has too many stalkers).

On a personal note, I have read several books by authors that you represent, such as (insert respective books I've read here), and I thought my manuscript would fit neatly into the realm of your literary taste.

Per your submission guidelines, I have included the first (insert # here) pages below, and would be delighted to send you the full manuscript upon request. This is a simultaneous submission. I appreciate you taking the time to consider my work.

Sincerely,

Stefanie Jones




*Update 12/02/11-- Thanks to my wonderful critique partner, I rewrote my query letter AH-GAIN-- and so far, I've gotten another full manuscript request! 

RE: What Query Letters Do To Your Face

It's Halloween! So I decided to do a blog post on the thing that currently scares me most-- hold onto your panties, it's a doozy!!!-- my career. I know what your thinking: "Is this chick bonkers? The thing that scares her most is her CA- REER?" *waits while you roll your eyes*. But alas, it's true! It's not exactly my "career" that scares me-- it's the not knowing if I will be able to MAKE this dream my career. My actual current career is college student/bank teller, and I am green-in-the-face sick of both. ME WANTS TO BE A REEL RITER. And who holds my fate in their hands (or inbox, rather)??? The 50 literary agents that I've queried.

A few weeks ago, I sent my first query letters. My original plan was to send it out to my top 5 agents and wait the agonizing 6-8 weeks for a response. But then I started to have my normal little thoughts of self doubt. Me: "WHY would any of these agents want to represent ME? They represent people like Maggie Stiefvater and Veronica Roth and Suzanne Collins. WHAT was I thinking???" And that combined with me being the type of person who has-no-patience-and-wants-everything-right-now decided to send out more letters. I started with 20. Then 30. Now my count is at 50. That sounds pathetic, right? *is ashamed of my impatience*. So far, I've gotten 9 rejection letters and I'm waiting to hear back from 6 other agents who graciously answer every query letter. The rest only contact you if they want to see more material. WHAT KIND OF TORTURE IS THIS????? It's pretty close to the ancient Chinese torture method of tying somebody to the ground and letting bamboo grow through his or her body. (A nice visual for your Halloween pleasure).

After I got my first rejection letter, I shrugged it off. It was no big deal, right? There were plenty more chances for me to get requests, right? But then came the day of darkness. I woke up feeling icky, but had 2 tests at school and no sick days left at work, so I drug myself out of bed and forced myself to go. By the time I got to school, I'd gotten 3 rejection letters in my email. *started to feel kind of sad* I was pretty sure that I'd flunked both of my tests, and while waiting for another class to start, I got another rejection email. That's when the tears came. My throat was throbbing, both my ears were hurting, I was pretty sure that I had a fever, and on top of all that, I had FOUR rejections in one day. ALL THIS HAPPENED BEFORE 10 AM. I was crushed. But I went to work anyway, and when I broke down in tears in front of my boss, I was sent home to rest (to my intense relief (and mortification)). When I got home, I received ANOTHER rejection, and that was just IT. I took a big ole dose of cold medicine for my 101 degree fever and buried myself in my blankets, where I slept for five hours. When I woke to my husband bearing chicken soup and ginger ale, I checked my email once more to find another reply from an agent. I was CERTAIN that it was another rejection, but then I remembered: "HEY! This agent said that she only replies if she's interested in reading more!!!" I opened the email and sure enough, SHE WANTED TO READ MY BOOK. mmmmmmyyyyyyyyy bbbbbboooooookkkkkk!!!!!!!!!

(After popular demand) This was my face then:

Or maybe it was something more like this, since I still had a 101 fever:

So there you have it. After all that depression and anxiety and impatience, I received a manuscript request. I am still waiting to hear back from her, and of course my impatience has taken over again.

My face while I've been waiting:

And waiting:

And waiting:

And still waiting. But I know that there is some sort of light at the end of the tunnel, even if it ends in rejection too. If it does, I know that I need to re-evaluate my story and alter it as such. And my best friend keeps reminding me that Harry Potter and Twilight and such were all rejected multiple times, and that helps me keep my head up a little. :-) 

But to all of you out there who are waiting like me: I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! I will keep you updated on my face as the rejections (and hopefully more requests!!!) keep flowing into my inbox. AND I am participating in NaNoWriMo for the first time, so I hope to have book two in the series complete by the end of the year! Who's doing it with me?? Have any of you experienced multiple rejection lately? I'd love to hear your comments so we can complain together! :-)

WHAT QUERY LETTERS DO TO YOUR FACE

So I mentioned a few weeks ago that I finished the novel I've been working on for three years. This was what my face looked like that day:

After I went through and edited it, had a couple of people read over it and then edited it some more, then edited again one more time, I thought it was ready for agent querying. As you probably know if you are an aspiring author like me, getting an agent is basically like getting a passport; with it, you can have amazing adventures and go to all the places you've dreamt of going. But without it, no pasaporte, no entrada, and you're stuck in your dinky little hometown (i.e. my awful job as a bank teller)

So after I sent my query letter to my top five agents, I began to realize that the three hundred or so words I'd chosen to describe my novel might not have been GOOD ENOUGH. My face after hitting send:

Most publishing companies do not accept "unsolicited manuscripts", or in layman's terms, "the fantabulous story that you made up and want to get published, but didn't want to have to pay anyone to sell it for you". Literary agents are basically the gatekeepers of author's dreams. They take your work and help you tighten it and perfect it, then they send it off to the magical land of New York City, where book babies are born. But to GET a literary agent is HARD. Hundreds of people hit the "send" button to Ms. Agent at the exact same time you do, putting your query letter smack dab in the middle of the dreaded slush pile. But everyone must start somewhere right? You just have to have that one little spark (out of hundreds) that catches the agent's eye and makes him/her want to read more. So you can imagine my face when all my insecurities began to run wild and I began to seriously doubt myself. "WHAT IF I DON'T HAVE THAT SPARK??? MY LIFE WILL BE OVERRRRRRRR!!!!!" 

So far it's been 1 week, and I haven't heard a peep from any of the five agents I queried. Which in all honesty, is completely normal. Most agents say it can take them up to six/eight weeks to even GET to your query in their inbox, so it's quite possible none of the agents I queried have even read my pitch yet. But still. This is my face NOW.

So.... Yeah.... The waiting continues. I am completely, 100% terrified of what I have done. But I want more than anything to get published, and finding the right agent is the key to the magical door of that dream. Chasing your dreams is amazing. It's invigorating. It's fun. And most of all, it's SCARY. But I think fear is what makes it all worthwhile. If things like writing a book or diving out of an airplane were easy, nobody would dream of doing them, and therefore, nobody would dream. Here's to making our dreams come true, no matter how terrifying/nail-biting/ulcer-making/sleepless-night-causing they are. 

And meanwhile, every time I hear the "ping" sound that means I have a new email, my face looks like this: