Trying (and failing) To Get An Agent

When I first decided that I wanted to be a novelist, finding the time to write was the hardest thing.

Then when I figured that out, getting past the halfway point on a story was the hardest thing.

Then when I made it to the end of my first novel, editing was the hardest thing (it was too hard to take a step back and see my first novel for what it was--a steaming pile of crap).

Then when my manuscript was finally polished, came the hardest thing so far, which still rings true seven years later: 

Querying Agents

I gave it my favorite Jurassic Park .gif and put it in huge, bold letters because it is the scariest, most nerve-wracking thing I have ever done (so far, at least). I have written 12 different versions of the query letter I sent for my first manuscript, and 5 versions for my second manuscript. No particular one seemed to pull in more requests than the other, which made me come to a scary realization: it's all based on the agent's taste. All you can do is extensive research on what each one likes, of course--but what if I waste my ONE shot? Because that's all you get: one shot with each agent, per manuscript.

HOW TERRIFYING IS THAT THOUGHT, WHEN YOU KNOW HOW MANY HUNDREDS OF QUERY LETTERS AGENTS GET PER WEEK? Literary Agents work SO hard to find new clients, while still editing, and submitting, and reading contracts for the clients they already represent. I have so much respect for what they do, don't get me wrong. I'd actually really like to be an agent if my writing dreams don't pan out the way I hope (or maybe even do both!).

But from what I understand, your first sentence has to immediately catch their attention, or you go straight into the "deleted" folder. Some agents like you to dive right into the plot details. Some like you to start with a personalized greeting. Some don't specify anything at all about what they prefer on their website, so you're driven to scouring the web for interviews about what worked for clients of theirs. 

When I read those kinds of posts, I am equally parts jealous and hopeful. 

(Maybe a teensy more jealous than hopeful.)

I wanted to write a post like this before I get an agent, because as a querying writer, reading posts like that makes me drink more wine than I probably should. 

"So you have an agent now, but you received 12 rejections beforehand? And we 'need to just keep trying?' Yeah. I am trying. 

I know it sounds bitter, but those are the thoughts I have every time I read a "I snagged an agent!" post. First off, agents aren't fish for you to snag. They are your hardworking allies in the publishing business. Secondly, it stings to open Twitter every day and see an agent that just rejected you tweet, "I am proud to announce I have a new client! Welcome to my team, *insert writer's twitter handle*!" 

It stings a little bit deeper when that writer is someone you know. You want to be (and ARE) so, so happy for that person, but you can't help but wonder what they have that you don't?

Is it their story hook? Their prose? Their plot twists? Their character's voice? Their query letter?

I try SO hard not to be jealous as my fellow writers get agents and book deals, but some days it's really hard to watch people achieve the dream I want over and over again, while I rack up more rejections. I have sent SO many query letters over the course of seven years, and have gotten nine total requests, with eight rejections (one is still pending, and I'm super excited about it, while trying not to get my hopes up at the same time).

 I know I am not entitled to ANYTHING in the publishing world, and I am grateful to have the friends I have in the business. I love each one, and they are all *amazing* writers who have earned every good opportunity they've gotten. But deep down, under my intense excitement for their successes, it makes each rejection of my own hurt a little bit more. 

But those writers I have befriended on Twitter, and at workshops/college, are my TRUE allies. They will be the ones who are there for me to talk to when I am finally in the business with them, and querying is no longer the hardest thing I am facing. I know publishing is a fickle, sometimes terrible business, but if your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough.

This twisted dream I have of being traditionally published is terrifying to me, but I still want to accomplish it more than anything. I am never giving up! It's just hard to fight through all the "Nopes" and "Not yets" to get to the one "YES THIS IS AMAZING GIVE IT TO ME NOW I WANT TO PAY YOU FOR THIS." I know my rejections mean I'm not quite ready, or that I (hopefully) just haven't yet found the one agent who will love, love, love it. 

I just needed to write a post that I can someday look back on, and realize that all the Agented Writer posts about how you just have to keep writing and keep trying were all REALLY SPOT ON. Also, I am NOT complaining about not being agented, because again, I know I am not entitled to one. I just needed to voice my inner struggles because I know there are people out there who feel the same way and are experiencing the same things, and hopefully we can band together while we work for what we want!

So here's to all my writer friends that are facing YOUR current "hardest thing"--whether it's finishing a draft, editing, writing a query letter, searching for an agent, waiting while your agent submits it to publishers, or any other tough things that are keeping you from your dreams! Don't get discouraged. It may not seem like it, but there are people going through the same things you are. 

We just have to stick together (and keep drinking wine)! 

**Also, for querying writers: If you haven't tried QueryTracker.com, PLEASE do so! It will make your life so much easier, and the basic features are free! I made an excel spreadsheet with my first MS, and it was more tiring than querying itself. This website has been a lifesaver for me this go-round.

And just FYI, because I love reading things like this on other writer's blogs:

WICKED ILLUSIONS, my 1st manuscript:

• Queries sent               = 94 
• Full/partial requests   =  7 (all ended in rejection)

*this manuscript was shelved for four years, but I am rewriting it now.

I am currently querying a different manuscript, SOUL RAIDERS, (which sparked the angst to write this post):

• Queries sent (so far)                = 37 
• Full/partial requests                 = 2 (one rejection, one still out with agent)
• Query rejections/no response  = 26

WRITING MARATHON DAY 1

Right now in my WIP I am at 24,632 words. I REALLY wanted to finish the rough draft before I start the summer semester of school-- before I get bogged down in papers, quizzes, and exams. I COULD have finished had I not stopped writing for a entire month (thanks to final exams and the fact that I got really, really stuck). But anyway, it is what it is, and I am still only a third of the way finished with this manuscript.

I am writing this blog post because I HAVE A PLAN.

I think it will take me about 70,000 words to tell this story, so that means I have about..... 45,368 words to go. Are you catching on yet? You are so smart!!!

Yes. I am going to attempt to write 45,000 words in NINE DAYS. Now, to do this, I will have to write at least 5,000 words a day.

I am already laughing at myself because I know this will never happen.

I am on vacation this week, so at least I don't have to worry about work stress making me too tired to sit down and write. BUT my husband and I are going to the beach Wednesday-Saturday and I'm pretty sure he'll be mad if I spend our whole vacation on my computer.

But I am going to write as much as I can in the next nine days and blog about my progress. Will I write 45,000 words in those nine days? PROBABLY NOT. I mean it's already 2:00 pm and I haven't written anything but this blog post (but in all fairness, I didn't wake up until noon, so... Yeah.)

But I think that by blogging about my progress, I can keep myself honest and motivated to at least write half of my goal. I borrowed this idea from Frankie Dianne Mallis, who is attempting to write 33,000 words in ten days. We are going to cheerlead each other towards our goals!   *\0/*

Here is a little info about my WIP:

Name: SOUL RAIDERS
Genre: YA Science Fiction/Thriller
Blurb: After transporting her soul into a stolen archetype body to save her own life, Ruby finds out that her best friend has joined a resistance group that's planning to overthrow the United States government to save the world from imminent destruction at the hand of the U.S. president. (Sorry that's very vague, but I just wrote that off the cuff.)


So, does anybody else want to join us? We can all motivate each other! I'll post an update tonight with my final word count of the day.

(And in case you were wondering, YES, I might be a wee bit crazy for doing this.)

*takes a deep breath... opens document... READY, SET, GOOOO!!!!*


***UPDATE: Okay, it's 12:38 am and I am throwing in the towel for the day. Wordcount:

I didn't get 5,000 today, but for some reason I have been stuck on this one chapter for the past three hours. I finally reached a stopping point, though-- I needed to write a press conference in the POV of the U.S. president, but he refused to come out of hiding in the depths of my brain. I could've skipped it and moved on, but honestly, I can't bounce around like that. I have to write chronologically.

So anyway, maybe I'll make up the extra extra slack tomorrow since I got a late start today. I plan on writing half my goal in the morning and half in the afternoon, so I'm not trying to force it all out at once like I did today.